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Posts Tagged ‘health’

Public to be trained to give drug advice to muggers

not to be taken on an empty stomach, so mug lunch off someone firstMembers of the public are to be trained to give pharmaceutical advice to drug-users before their medicine is stolen from them by junkies, under new proposals from the Department of Health.

‘It’s a thorny issue,’ said Bill Wilkins, one of the government’s top advisors on health-related issues, ‘but the reality is that the amount of prescription drugs being handed over on the street under duress has tripled in a year. Thousands of people being mugged at knifepoint for their painkillers are falling down badly in terms of their duty of care. Some of them are also falling down badly if they get stabbed, but that’s another issue’

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2014
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Free school meals to include ‘pony and rabbit’

Education Minister David Laws says that free school dinners for primary school children will include ‘rabbit and pony’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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‘The Sniffles’ to be eradicated by 2035, Hunt vows

The government is promising positive action against The Sniffles, a condition said by the WHO to be endemic in the UK, and now aims to eradicate it by 2035. ‘For too long, people have had to put up with sounding like Nina Simone for up to three days,” said Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2014
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Cancer still fatal despite NHS Facebook page

‘Fatal diseases are still by-passing our leafleting campaigns,’ admitted Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. ‘The NHS leads the world in leafleting and our use of Facebook as a distribution medium is world-class, so the latest figures are particularly disappointing.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
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Half of UK population ‘will die in the future’

At least half of the current UK population will die of something fatal at some point in the future, a stark new medical report has suggested.

Eternal Life Research Group Plc., which commissioned the report, has said that the country is facing a ‘medical time bomb’ and the Government needs to take action now.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2013
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