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Posts Tagged ‘health’

Ed Miliband promises a cap on life expectancy

In an increasingly desperate attempt to prove his credibility with right wing voters, Ed Miliband has promised to limit the lengths that people will go to avoid death.

Buoyed by the recent projected cancer rates, Miliband is convinced that Labour can improve upon the Coalition’s track record of making people ill.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2013
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Breakthrough as scientists confirm ‘everything in excess’ is bad for you

‘It appears that literally everything – from asparagus to zoom bars – can and probably will kill you if you excessively indulge in them,’ explained Dr Stevenson.

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2013
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Brits have a negative body image ‘because they’re fat bastards’, research finds

‘The conjunction of a large body size and a full-length mirror can often lead to the perception of negative body image.’

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Posted: May 30th, 2012
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‘Devastating stroke turned me into Deputy Prime Minister’, says Clegg

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has spoken out in a BBC4 documentary, ‘I Woke Up With Dave’, about the terrible stroke he suffered two years ago, which baffled voters by causing a complete personality transformation.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2012
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Hypochondriac given six months to live by self

‘When you’ve spent your life battling imagined ill health, you just know when a twinge in your ankle is actually something far more sinister.’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2011
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