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Posts Tagged ‘Health and safety’

The ‘Book’ to be slimmed down due to Health & Safety concerns

Following an increase in A&E admissions various organisations have been urged to redraft their ‘books’ to minimise injuries whenever situations suggest throwing the book at people might be useful.

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Posted: Nov 5th, 2015
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Jerusalem: ‘Green and pleasant’ building option refused

Plans to build Jerusalem in England’s Green and Pleasant Land have been scuppered. Chief Planning Officer, Bill Greenwood, admitted it had been a difficult decision. ‘Strong passions were aroused on either side’, he said. ‘The pro-Jerusalem lobby expressed themselves loudly and forcibly – usually in song…

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2015
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Health & Safety noticeboard leaves three hurt, one mildly giddy

stay away from the information!Three office workers have been injured after attempting to take in all the information displayed on the Health & Safety noticeboard in their workplace’s canteen.

One of the men, who doesn’t want to be named for fear of having to fill out a form, suffered mild light-headedness saying “It’s ridiculous! All that information in such a small space. How can we be expected to absorb it all in one go? I need to lie down. And when I recover, I’ll be putting in a claim.”

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Posted: Jul 5th, 2015
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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killExcessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs have made life unbearable.

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Posted: May 21st, 2015
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Superman to ditch cape amid health & safety concerns

‘After watching Madonna at the Brits the last thing I need is for my enemies to know that I have such a fundamental weakness’ Superman told the Daily Planet.

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Posted: Feb 27th, 2015
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