Haynes settled into a sunlit meadow surrounded by butterflies, only to be accosted by his grandmother, who told him heaven was ‘quite nice in some ways, but you can’t get a proper cup of tea for love nor money and there’s an awful lot of darkies’. [read...]
God has confirmed that Judgement Day will take approximately the same format as your recent performance appraisal at work. The only difference, He added, is the outcome: rather than being given a worthless grade signifying a zero pay rise, [read...]
Large crowds have gathered today at Hell’s gates welcoming Louisiana native Mark Casperson, whose vast collection of clothing items bearing humorous inscriptions got the 65 year-old accountant sentenced to a horrific eternity of torture and despair. [read...]
In his pre-election speech to the Tory Party Conference last week, David Cameron promised that all taxpayers would receive free ice-skating passes, just as soon as he and George Osborne had managed to engineer the freezing over of hell. [read...]
Satan has today issued a press release warning that austerity measures might compromise the quality and severity of punishments in hell.
Costcutting measures have included halving the number of full-time employed demons tormenting sinners and turning down the thermostat from ‘burning’ [read...]