The British people are seething with jealousy towards the three types of native animal which are about to avoid the horrors of the next four months by sleeping through the whole shitfest, the spawny little tossers. [read...]
With autumn now upon us, hedgehogs across the UK are being asked to self-isolate for up to six months. Hedgehog Professor Giles Sonic said: ‘No doubt there’s a bumpy road ahead, but we need to flatten the curve and avoid another spike.’ [read...]
Alf Pemberton, 83, is thought to have been checked in on by eight different well-meaning neighbours in a 12-hour period over the weekend, amassing over 21 pints of milk in the process. [read...]
Sales of HobNobs expected to plummet. [read...]
