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Posts Tagged ‘higgs boson’

Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage

looks like a giant arsehole, and so does the LHCNigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ for the general election.

‘Frankly we just don’t have the infrastructure to assimilate all these new particles’, Farage raged, taking an earnest boggle-eyed bantam stance. ‘It has been openly admitted that we don’t really know where all these ‘exotic particles’ originate and we know far less about their skills and employment records. How do we know that the minute these particles are created, they won’t go straight on benefits?’

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2015
More from Science/Technology



Particle physics ‘all made up’ admit boffins

what scientists know 'just incredible'‘I mean, the names! You fell for all of them: quark and muon came from a drunken game of scrabble’.

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Man who has never even heard of Higgs Boson seems to be doing OK

A Cheltenham butcher who has never heard of Higgs Boson is getting on with his life just fine say his friends.

‘Gordon has never heard of it,’ said Luke Church, a friend, ‘but he just goes on living all the same.’

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Scientists hail first sighting of elusive bankers’ morals

physicists allowing themselves an extra scotch egg for lunch, as a bonus‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
More from Business



Faster-than-light Nissan Micra ‘may have been down to timing fault’

they've got some canny ideas aboot Einsteinian Relativistic fizix‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2012
More from Science/Technology