A Cheltenham butcher who has never heard of Higgs Boson is getting on with his life just fine say his friends.
‘Gordon has never heard of it,’ said Luke Church, a friend, ‘but he just goes on living all the same.’
Posted: Oct 12th, 2013
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Scientists everywhere have been left red faced today as it has been revealed that the whole standard model theory of particle physics is entirely fictional.
For years, billions of pounds have been pumped into state of the art labs to fund so called ‘particle accelerators’ in the hope that the secrets of the big bang are revealed. ‘It’s all complete bollocks,’ admitted moptopped lab boy Brian Cox. ‘What a scam! It’s the greatest joke the science community has ever staged and you all fell for it –suckers.’
Posted: Aug 31st, 2012
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‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman.
Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
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‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’
Posted: Feb 23rd, 2012
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It cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since.
Posted: Dec 12th, 2011
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