It cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since. [read...]
Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
A Cheltenham butcher who has never heard of Higgs Boson is getting on with his life just fine say his friends.
‘Gordon has never heard of it,’ said Luke Church, a friend, ‘but he just goes on living all the same.’ [read...]
‘I mean, the names! You fell for all of them: quark and muon came from a drunken game of scrabble’. [read...]
‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman. [read...]
