Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
A Cheltenham butcher who has never heard of Higgs Boson is getting on with his life just fine say his friends.
‘Gordon has never heard of it,’ said Luke Church, a friend, ‘but he just goes on living all the same.’ [read...]
‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman. [read...]
‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’ [read...]