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Posts Tagged ‘History’

Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
More from Education



Queen requests state burial in Waitrose car park

will consider offers from Lidl‘Her Majesty is keen to reintroduce the medieval tradition of laying monarchs to rest beneath municipal car parks’

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2014
More from From The Archives



Tony Blair launches massive airbrush strike on Iraq

Former UK prime minister Tony Blair has launched a massive air-brush strike on the causes of the violent insurgency now gripping Iraq.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Michael Gove unveils revisionist history syllabus featuring “World War Fun!”

Your country needs ME!Education Secretary Michael Gove has announced changes to the history GCSE syllabus that will reflect ‘a more accurate and balanced’ view of World War One as a bit of jolly fun instead of a four-year cataclysmic bloodbath that drained the nation’s power and prestige and caused untold mental and physical suffering to millions.

The traditional view of the so-called ‘Great War’ as four years of futile barbaric slaughter is wrong, says Gove. ‘Historicans and commentators have long been calling for a “debunking” of wartime myths,’ he insisted. ‘At least, the ones I’ve been paying to advise me have. And that’s enough.’

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2014
More from Education



Roman middle classes ‘furious’ at government’s response to volcanic apocalypse

infamy, infamy..Pompeii could have been saved from the magma waves if the authorities had done more to protect its buildings than stack piles of surplus slaves up in front of the doors, local residents claimed yesterday.

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2014
More from Environment