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Posts Tagged ‘holiday’

Man still coasting at work 6 weeks after holiday

A man from Suffolk is allegedly still ‘getting up to speed on various emails’ a full 40 days after returning from Portugal, it has been confirmed. Administrator Jamie Bennet returned to work on a Wednesday in late August and legitimately spent the rest of the week changing his desktop settings and looking at Wikipedia.

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2015
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Family says Newquay holiday arguments amongst best ever

iPod row 'spectacular'A family which has just returned from a caravan holiday in Newquay say it was the best holiday they’ve ever had, thanks to the family rows during their fortnight’s break.

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Posted: Jul 28th, 2015
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Club 18 – 30 urged to drop Syria from its itinerary

Hedonistic travel operator Club 18 – 30 has found itself under increasing pressure to abandon its popular new destination Syria.

‘It’s true, we’ve had a bit of support for our Jihad weekend breaks,’ said a Club 18 – 30 spokesman, ‘but to be honest, the reps aren’t happy. The hotels tend to be in a state of disrepair, even before the hen parties trash them, and providing Brits on tour with sidearms is just asking for trouble.’

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2015
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Nottingham man abandons attempts to work out what day it is

As the festive season drags on, Nick Warren (59) of Nottingham has ceased trying to work out what day of the week it is.

‘I am pretty sure that Christmas Day was a Thursday, but there were three Saturdays in a row before that and since then it seems that Saturday and Sunday have alternated.’

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Posted: Dec 31st, 2014
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‘Death on holiday’ tops list of things no-one has sympathy for

It'll be fine...Summer marks that time of year when British holidaymakers begin their annual cull of the most idiotic by leaping drunkenly from balconies, ignoring ski helmets or combining scuba diving with outboard motors. Those unable to afford such expensive jaunts, naturally, respond with the same levels of commiseration normally reserved for small children banging their heads on tables after being told not to run.

So apathetic are our levels of sympathy for the newly deceased on holiday that one sociologist commentated: ‘Being eaten by wild animals is natural selection for the rich, as a person of average income would never see a polar bear outside of a zoo. For those on a tight budget, they are now equating death on safari with voting for Nick Clegg – something you just brought on yourself.’

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2014
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