E4÷2 will show programmes at half-speed, -E4 will have them run in reverse and sin(E4) will rhythmically loop scenes from E4 shows backwards and forwards.

Channel 4’s head of extrapolation, Neal Bath, commented, ‘Channel 4 is thrilled to announce this set of innovative entertainment solutions that takes viewing to the nth degree, and that offers audiences exciting new ways to enjoy their favourite episodes of Friends.’

In addition, there will be tan(E4) showing classic Hollyoaks episodes, and E(4+i) showing complex programmes with both real and imaginary parts.

In other Freeview news, Dave has inked a 2-year deal with BBC2 to run classic ‘pages from Ceefax’ on its new red button service.

Golgo13, hat-tip to bonjonelson and Pabst Blue Ribbon

But the monkeys are furious at what they regard as an enormous snub of their creative endeavours and are already threatening never to reveal the outcome of Lydia’s Chlamydia test. ‘This is bloody typical of a writer’s lot – you file something way ahead of the deadline and everyone’s still whinging,’ said dominant male, Mr Tickles. ‘If we’d written another Complete Works we’d have been accused of plagiarism.’