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Posts Tagged ‘Home Office’

Stop & Search to be replaced by Slap n’ Tickle

While the inquest into Mark Duggan’s death may have exonerated officers, the Independent Police Complaints Commission is expected to recommend a radical overhaul of community policing, acts of foreplay and anything involving inflatable fruit. With over 27% of stop and search actions lacking ‘legitimacy’, the Home Office had strongly recommend a more flirtatious approach by law enforcement agencies.

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Posted: Jan 10th, 2014
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Terrorists to be allowed to blow up ugly buildings

government urging them to 'just get on with it'The Government today launched its innovative Integrated Terrorism and Urban Renewal Scheme with the successful destruction of a condemned concrete multi-storey car park in Wolverhampton by an alleged jihadist sympathiser.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2013
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Lawyers, judges in secret courts to wear ‘sinister’ wigs

Images of a new range of ‘surreal’ judicial wigs, whose purpose is to ‘terrify and intimidate’ suspects appearing before secret courts, has been leaked to the press.

The Home Office would neither confirm nor deny the wigs’ existence, but sources inside the Ministry of Justice said the wigs were aimed at creating a ‘sinister, nightmarish and deeply unfashionable’ atmosphere inside the hush-hush courts.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2013
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European Court rules God cannot cast Lucifer out of Heaven

The omnipresent supreme being, God, has expressed his disappointment after the European Court refused to overturn a ruling preventing him from casting out the senior radical anticleric Lucifer, commonly known as Satan, from Heaven.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2013
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Theresa May ‘even tried Cillit Bang’ to remove Abu Qatada

After an appeal to the courts delayed extradition proceedings, Home Secretary Theresa May has defended the government’s attempts to remove stubborn extremist Abu Qatada using kitchen power-cleaner Cillit Bang.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2012
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