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Posts Tagged ‘Home Secretary’

Terrorists to be allowed to blow up ugly buildings

government urging them to 'just get on with it'The Government today launched its innovative Integrated Terrorism and Urban Renewal Scheme with the successful destruction of a condemned concrete multi-storey car park in Wolverhampton by an alleged jihadist sympathiser.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2013
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UK poor people must do more to help kill foreign poor people, says Defence Secretary

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond says that poor people in Britain should do more to help to kill poor people in other countries by taking a cut in their welfare benefits to allow much-needed funds for the armed forces.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2013
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Home Secretary admits illegal chips may infiltrate Olympics

‘It’s a nightmare scenario really,’ said Theresa May. ‘We’re potentially looking at multiple chip-related security breaches. We’ve already intercepted one man of Middle-Eastern appearance trying to smuggle in a one-kilo bag of McCain Low Fat Oven Fries, so who knows what else is out there.’

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2012
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Suicide bid for Olympics

‘No bugger helped me to top myself,’ she said. ‘They just kept putting the boot in by lengthening the season.’

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2012
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ASBOs to be replaced by town square naughty steps

"all about mutual respect 'n' shit" confirms Home SecretaryAntisocial Behaviour Orders are to be replaced by more progressive discipline strategies such as stopping pocket money, confiscating favourite toys and banishing yobs to the naughty step.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2011
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