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Posts Tagged ‘homeless’

Met Office warns of a warm Christmas

chestnuts to be roasted in the sunshine on the patio‘It’s probable that some areas are going to experience double digit temperatures over Christmas,’ conceded a Met Office official today. ‘We think it could be due to a warm southerly front or the new supercomputer overheating, but there is a real risk of a warm Christmas, with grey skies and light drizzle. You know, like the last 45 Christmases everywhere outside the Scottish Highlands, only a bit warmer still.’

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2014
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Cameron acts swiftly to deal with controversial ‘anti-homeless spikes’

A crack squad of Indian fakirs have been flown in to the UK to teach the homeless how to have a good night’s sleep on the 2-inch-long metal spikes which have sprung up all over the UK’s capital to deter rough sleeping in doorways.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2014
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‘Homeless and destitute are nearly all British’ says relieved government

Immigration Minister Mark Harper has calmed Tory nerves with the news that nearly all the destitute and homeless beggars found huddled in doorways on New Year’s Day were British and not from Eastern Europe.

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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2014
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Fears that Prince William’s military exit will see him a homeless drunk by 2015

Anxious colleagues believe that the prince lacks the strong support network which helps many servicemen and women adjust to life outside the Army, Navy or RAF.

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Posted: Sep 13th, 2013
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Homeless urge rethink on gay marriage

Recently divorced, homeless, unemployed 56-year-old Tory activist Jason Beesley from Gosport said that the hope of not seeing gays kissing in church was the only thing making his life worthwhile.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2013
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