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Posts Tagged ‘homosexual’

Gay Catholics to remain in cages until Pope Francis clarifies stance

Following last month’s three-week Synod, the Pope has still not provided a clear message on the future of Catholic homosexuals, thousands of whom remain locked up inside the Vatican. Conservative bishops continue to assert that God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Sanjeev – a common Hindi boy’s name missing from the New Testament. A UN resolution to liberate the prisoners through a military invasion has been singlehandedly blocked by Russia, with critics alleging that Vladimir Putin has still not accepted Eurovision 2014 being won by a drag queen.

Pope Francis explained ‘My hands are tied. Each time I say something nice about the gays, a bishop warns me to pipe the fuck down. And the Lord has gone all quiet again, the spineless bastard. Sometimes I have complete doubt whether He even exists. I’ll probably get bollocked for saying that now.’

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2015
More from Faith

Justin Welby hesitant over gay weddings but wants more gay funerals

The move is likely to be popular with African clergy who already see it as part of their ministry to help homosexuals towards an early grave.

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Posted: Nov 14th, 2012
More from News In Brief

OED rules that everything is now officially ‘gay’

Compilers of the Oxford English Dictionary have declared that everyone and everything must be defined as gay from now on. According to editor-in-chief Dr Mark Boyle, a team of linguistic experts from universities up and down Britain had studied every field of modern life and failed to find anything that is not gay.

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Posted: Jul 16th, 2011
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