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Posts Tagged ‘hospital’

Ebola to take on MRSA in world title showdown

It’s the bout everyone’s been waiting for: Ebola ‘The Kidney Musher’ versus Britain’s very own home-grown bacterium, MRSA ‘The Superbug’. The two contenders are to meet in 16 days’ time at Mid Staffordshire Hospital or whatever it’s called by then, to fight for the undisputed title of the world’s baddest disease. And, predictably, the macho boasting has begun already.

‘Ebola’s going down,’ said MRSA’s promoter Mickey ‘The Regional Health Contractor’ Fillery. ‘The NHS won’t suit it. By the time we’ve finished with it, Ebola won’t even know what its host species is.’ However, Ebola said that it had ‘plenty of ways of getting inside your defences. You’re going to need more than a doctor after what Ebola does to you, people of Britain’.

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2014
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Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2012
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Rat found in NHS operating theatre ‘as well as can be expected’

Pest controllers were rushed to Nottinghamshire’s Kings Mill Hospital late on Monday night after a rat was found in one of the operating theatres.

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2012
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Jeremy Hunt to open world’s first placebo hospital

works for him, every timeBritain’s first hospital built entirely on the power of suggestion is to open next week as a cost-effective solution to the rising price of healthcare.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2012
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McDonald’s to sponsor NHS says Andrew Lansley

‘A Big Mac injection might be all some sick people need to get them on their feet.’

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2012
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