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Posts Tagged ‘hospital’

Blatter released from hospital after virgin sacrifice

Fifa president Sepp Blatter, who had been suffering from what was described as a ‘small emotional breakdown’, has been discharged from hospital after his annual transfusion of ten virgins. Blatter, 179, has led world football’s governing body for 138 years. He was provisionally suspended for 90 days last month amid a corruption scandal.

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Posted: Nov 14th, 2015
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‘Why must I do everything?’ cries husband during childbirth

didn't even get a shag later31 year-old Patrick Clark became infuriated today by the extreme selfishness of his wife, Hannah, during the birth of their first child. He claimed that she was ‘totally self-absorbed’ and ‘unwilling to cooperate rationally’ throughout most of the high-intensity contractions.

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2015
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Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2014
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Overweight hospital staff to be kept in trim by Benny Hill-style chases

Matrons, staff sisters and ward orderlies who are overweight will be chased round hospital premises by chubby Liberal Democrat peers with glasses in an attempt to head off an obesity crisis within the NHS, David Cameron has pledged

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2014
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Ebola to take on MRSA in world title showdown

It’s the bout everyone’s been waiting for: Ebola ‘The Kidney Musher’ versus Britain’s very own home-grown bacterium, MRSA ‘The Superbug’. The two contenders are to meet in 16 days’ time at Mid Staffordshire Hospital or whatever it’s called by then, to fight for the undisputed title of the world’s baddest disease. And, predictably, the macho boasting has begun already.

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2014
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