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Posts Tagged ‘HS2’

Alien megastructure maybe Heathrow’s third runway

In an attempt to increase aviation capacity while avoiding flightpaths near Tory homeowners, the UK Government has constructed an extra runway orbiting the star known as KIC 8462852. So voracious had been Londoner’s objections that they had insisted that noise pollution would only be tolerable at a distance of 454 parsecs from Earth, or ‘somewhere up north where people vote Labour’.

Being 1,480 light years from the main terminus, baggage-handlers have already raised concerns about round trips to the constellation Cygnus.

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Posted: Oct 19th, 2015
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Tories to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall

The Conservatives have announced plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall in a massive new infrastructure project that will create up to 100,000 new jobs. Project costs of £50 billion will be met by scrapping the controversial HS2 rail project. The wall is to be modelled on the DMZ that divides North and South Korea and will be renamed the ‘Thatcher parallel’.

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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HS2 abandoned in favour of rebuilding Birmingham 10 minutes closer to London

now to overcome the language barrier‘This would shorten journey times between London and Birmingham by the same amount as HS2, but would also have the added benefit of reducing the length of the M40, delivering a significant boost to the road haulage industry.’

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Posted: Jul 14th, 2014
More from From The Archives

High-speed spinning jenny needed to boost north, claims Osborne

A high-speed spinning jenny shared between Manchester and Leeds could help create a ‘global northern powerhouse’, George Osborne has said. The chancellor said that modern technology meant that a cotton mill hand could work over 120 spindles at once on his proposed high-speed spinning jenny. ‘That’s a lot of yarn,’ he said.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2014
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HS2 to be replaced by ‘Motorway+’

Government Ministers were today putting the final touches to a plan to scrap the £40 billion HS2 scheme in favour of building a motorway that links London and Manchester, where the maximum speed is to be increased to a scaremongering 75mph.

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Posted: Nov 27th, 2013
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