Health service chiefs are celebrating A&E waiting times hitting target for the first time since the Crimea war, due to an impressive pincer strategy of requiring all attendees to ring NHS 111 before admission, while simultaneously deploying rogue software to block the digit 1 on all telephone keypads. [read...]
Teachers who taught Education Secretary Gavin Williamson in the 1980’s have reassessed his performance as a GCSE and A level student, and asked Ofqual to rescind all his pass certificates, rendering him unqualified to attend Bradford University. [read...]
Boris Johnson is trying to find a cheaper way to bring the Coronavirus to the North of England. Previously the UK was relying on costly flights and cruise ships, but this deal would create a 7,000 mile rail link between Bejing to Birmingham and ‘all the lurgy we need’. [read...]
China has been offered a place in the cabinet in order to ensure the smooth running of the UK post Brexit. Premier Dominic Cummings said that since Chinese firms had already been offered opportunities to take part in the rebuilding of Britain’s infrastructure it only made sense that they should be offered the chance to… [read...]
Despite the lack of any motive for doing so, China’s ambassador to the UK has come out with strong words defending completely unconnected technology company Huawei, saying that there would be “repercussions” if Britain denied it a role in building the country’s 5G network. [read...]
