Marriage in crisis as husband eschews Christmas sex in favour of cash alternative
The 22-year union between Lionel and Marjorie Alwyn was reportedly under threat last night, as it emerged that Mr Alwyn had declined their traditional festive sexual congress and asked ‘for the money instead’.
‘Well what was I supposed to say?’ said an outraged Mrs Alwyn, who had been led to believe that her festive fur-trimmed stockings and saucy Santa hat had been hitting the spot since the Berlin Wall came down. ‘And it wasn’t just that he was turning down a few hours of nookie with me in favour of some money in an envelope. It was that he only gave it a transferable value of twenty-five quid.’
Posted: Dec 15th, 2009
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The true magnitude of his situation hit him as he stood awkwardly by the women’s changing room, in full view of other shoppers in the busy store.
‘By the time we got around to it I guess that I had just built it up too much.’
There was a moment when it looked like they might have sex, but it turned out she was just reaching across to have a sip of his Ovaltine.’
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