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Posts Tagged ‘ian duncan smith’

Universal Credit to be exported to Mars

Ian Duncan Smith has unveiled plans to make the benefits system truly ‘universal’ by exporting it to Mars. The Department of Work and Pensions has been in secret talks with Imperial College London and NASA to launch a spacecraft, to be called the Debacle, next summer

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2013
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Government hails success of best ever April Fools ‘Benefits Cut’ prank

proposed cut to bike allowance for unemployed also just a jokeNo. 10 Downing Street has confirmed in a statement early this morning that a raft of cuts to benefits due to kick in today were merely an elaborate prank played out for the last few months on the British public, and that the drastic measures would not now go ahead.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2013
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Poor people ‘still have money’ government told

Government ministers have defended their policy of taking money off poor people after it emerged that some still have small amounts of cash in their pockets.

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Posted: Jan 27th, 2013
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Britain swamped with zombies as Atos send the dead back to work

far better off working than laying in the ground, leachingBritain was this morning swamped with zombies as the government’s controversial benefits cutback forcing those who are clearly dead but who have been deemed to be undead by Atos assessments, and therefore available for work, came into force.

Under the new Atos rules, silence in response to such questions as ‘do you like to eat brains’ now constitutes no defence at all against a charge that those interrogated could easily dig themselves out of a grave and lumber around slowly. They might even be able to carry something useful while they’re at it for the good of the nation, according to the Atos guidelines.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2012
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