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Posts Tagged ‘IKEA’

Man who tried to carve out his own route through IKEA store ‘so very sorry’

Man was trapped in the Thurrock branch of IKEA for almost seven hours

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2014
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Straight men to push for ban on marriage between heterosexual couples

In the wake of gay marriage being legalised, straight men across the UK today called on politicians to vote for a ban on marriage between different sex couples. ‘It seems a fair swap,’ said spokesman Trevor Coshpot. ‘We were baffled enough when gay men fought tooth and nail to be allowed into the army, now they want to be married as well?’

The proposal aims to alleviate pressure on wedding venues and marriage counselling services by significantly reducing the number of people getting married.

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Posted: Mar 31st, 2014
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Sir Ranulph Fiennes’s next challenge to be weekend Ikea expedition

real explorers always ignore the arrowsTravelling light, Fiennes will sustain himself on locally-sourced balls of meat similar to beef.

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Posted: Mar 5th, 2014
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Chinese to fake ‘fake moon landing’

Chinese space officials today admitted that they will be sending real astronauts to the moon, as it is ‘far easier’ than faking a moon-landing convincingly.

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2014
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Millions die of boredom as ‘binge abstinence’ takes NHS to breaking point

Doctors’ leaders have called on the government to take urgent action against a new social phenomenon which has caused the sudden deaths of men the length and breadth of the UK.

Affecting mainly self-loathing, middle-class fortysomethings whose boozy excesses during the festive season have led them to taking a ‘dry’ January, so-called ‘binge abstinence’ has side-effects which often prove fatal.

Dr. Kate Thompson from Guys Hospital Accident and Emergency Unit says, ‘Since about the 3rd of January, we’ve been under huge pressure every night. We’re dealing with wave after wave of men who are simply unaccustomed to dealing with the grinding monotony of their two free hours an evening sober.’

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2014
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