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Posts Tagged ‘immigrants’

Channel Tunnel NOT a gateway to Narnia

And anyway, Aslan's been shot by a dentistThe Ministry of Defence has been forced to release a blanket denial that Calais’ entrance to the UK is the portal to a fantasy kingdom of bounteous social benefits and friendly characters from classic British fiction. Sadly, immigrants have been flooding into the area under this mistaken belief that they will get to meet Aslan, hobbits and the cast of ‘Glee’.

Nightly, hundreds of desperate stowaways risk their lives to get a peek of the animals of Farthing Wood who they believe are waiting at the other end. One migrant admitted: ‘The UK is the land of milk and honey – resting on the backs of four huge elephants and one enormous space turtle. And where else can you claim child benefit for dependents living outside the UK, while at the same time sending you other kids to Hogwarts?’

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Posted: Jul 31st, 2015
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Immigrants caused Kent earthquake

The combined weight of migrant workers arriving on Britain’s shores is causing the country to tilt, it has emerged, as areas of Kent were violently rocked by a small earthquake. The 4.3-magnitude quake caused teacups to rattle and flocks of ceramic ducks to fall off living room walls.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2015
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UKIP to throw out all Anglo-Saxon immigrants

After the publication of the most detailed genetic map of the UK, Nigel Farage has reiterated his aim to remove all immigrants from the UK, starting with those French and Germans who have been invading our sacred isles since, at least, before 1066.

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Posted: Mar 22nd, 2015
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Government urged to pass law stopping Poles from going home

Polish people will be returned to their jobs as plumbers, builders and waitresses.

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2014
More from From The Archives



Daily Mail joins long list of Clooney rejects

Read it and weepFollowing in the petite footsteps of Lisa Snowden, the Mail Online has been forced to finally accept that the ‘grey fox’, George Clooney, will never hold them in his big strong arms.

The newspaper’s jealous response to Mr. Clooney’s engagement to Amal Alamuddin has led to Clooney refusing to accept phone calls, bouquets of roses and romantic editorials about ‘stinky immigrants’ from the lovesick tabloid.

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2014
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