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Posts Tagged ‘immigration’

US to introduce border height restrictions

US border guards having to look harder to find themIn order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches ‘Sesame street’, needs help tying their shoe laces or still believes in the tooth fairy. While some fear this might unfairly target Republican nominee Rick Perry, most agree to the rewording of the Statue of Liberty: ‘Give me your tired, your poor…but no one under four foot eight’.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2014
More from World News



Anti-immigrant backlash feared as Irish pubs still emigrating in droves

'They're taking over the world, so they are...'Supporters see them as a vital lubricant of the global labour market, while critics say they are diluting other cultures and putting local drinking dens out of business. Now there are calls for restrictions on the numbers of Irish pubs emigrating, yet the trend sees no signs of abating.

‘You have to go where the money is, to be sure, to be sure,’ said O’Malleys, a brewery-themed hostelry that closed down in Dublin in 2011 and relocated to Ulaan Bataar, where he has established a thriving business among Mongolian hipsters who were previously unable to see live transmissions of Manchester United games while listening to jukeboxes playing the Pogues around the clock.

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Posted: May 22nd, 2014
More from World News



Romanian family declines house next door to German family

A Romanian family has turned down the offer of a house in London because they don’t want to live next door to Germans.

The family – who don’t want to be named – said they had nothing against Germans.

‘It’s just that the father of this family – he is English but has a German wife and children- smokes a lot and is forever down the pub.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2014
More from News In Brief



British labour market flooded by workers from Narnia

Fawn‘Tesco aisles now full of speciality beaver food.’

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2014
More from From The Archives



‘Homeless and destitute are nearly all British’ says relieved government

Immigration Minister Mark Harper has calmed Tory nerves with the news that nearly all the destitute and homeless beggars found huddled in doorways on New Year’s Day were British and not from Eastern Europe.

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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2014
More from News In Brief