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Posts Tagged ‘independence’

Murray apologises for expressing non-bland opinion

and if he ever goes on Strictly...Tennis star Andy Murray has issued a statement of apology to the British public for any offence he may have caused by saying something that was not a confused jumble of sports-related clichés in a miserable-sounding voice.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2014
More from Sport



Ill-informed Cumbrians readying for Scottish invasion

fears that reserves of Kendal Mint cake could fall into enemy handsAn eery silence has descended on Cumbria. The people are edgy, suspicious. Violence erupts in odd little bursts – a chip-shop owner advertising ‘deep fried anything’ is publicly flogged as a sympathiser; a man is stoned for telling a Billy Connolly joke.

Thousands are fleeing to the safety of Carlisle’s walls. Others are on the hilltops, eyes scouring the horizon, preparing to light the beacons at the first sign of ‘Men in Skirts’.

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Posted: Sep 15th, 2014
More from UK News



Edinburgh hookers say prices may have to rise in event of Yes vote

Edinburgh nightsIn what is seen as a further blow to the campaign for Scottish independence hundreds of Edinburgh prostitutes have signed a letter sent to the Scotsman newspaper claiming that they may have to raise their prices in the event of a Yes vote in next Thursday’s referendum.

The letter states, ‘Due to the potential increase in the cost of living in an independent Scotland and the associated economic constraints it is inevitable that the cost of sexual services such as hand-jobs, blow-jobs and other non-specific kinky stuff that you would never get your wife to do will have to increase if workers in the sex industry are to maintain a reasonable standard of living’.

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Posted: Sep 15th, 2014
More from Politics, UK News



Santa may not deliver presents to an independent Scotland

The SNP has reacted angrily to reports in the media that Father Christmas may not automatically deliver presents to children in a newly-independent Scotland.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Independent Scotland would keep England, says Alex Salmond

Scottish Nationalist Party leader Alex Salmond has pledged that along with Sterling and the Queen, an independent Scotland would keep England.

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2013
More from News In Brief