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Posts Tagged ‘ISIS’

Militant Christian bakers capture Brighton, destroy historical gay sites

hundreds and thousands on the marchReports are coming in from the southern province of East Sussex that a fundamentalist force of Christian bakers, cake decorators and cream fillers have worked themselves up into an extreme state and seized control of Britain’s ancient gay capital, Brighton, vowing to destroy every remnant of it.

Several sites of special sexual interest have already been bulldozed, including the Pink Moustache gay bar, Glitterballs nightclub and the Pumping Muscle gym – you know, the one that Geoff stopped going to because he kept finding empty lube bottles in the changing room, but now he’s worried he might be an awful bigot just like his dad.

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Posted: May 22nd, 2015
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Greenpeace praises ISIS’s low carbon execution methods

‘While Greenpeace would not condone violence – unless it’s a climate change sceptic and there are no cameras present – we must single out ISIS for their commitment to low carbon outcomes,’ said Greenpeace’s business spokesperson, Susan Mueslini.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015
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ISIS health service ‘in crisis’

Leading figures from the feared Islamic State have issued a statement today claiming that their segregated health service is already in ‘crisis’.

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2015
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Islamic State leader remains calm over sub-standard mayo sandwich

Although specifically asking for no mayonnaise on the sandwich he ordered yesterday evening following a long, stressful day, Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was disappointed to find that someone had not paid enough attention to his orders and completely drenched the whole thing in sauce.

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Posted: Mar 19th, 2015
More from News In Brief



Voldemort was a ‘beautiful man radicalised by wizard baby’, claims group

bit of a kitten reallyLord Voldemort, now revealed to be former Hogwarts student Tom Riddle, was today described by an advocacy group as a ‘beautiful man’, whose violent actions can be traced back to a ‘long campaign of harassment by the same schoolboy’.

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Posted: Mar 9th, 2015
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