Attendees at a town meeting in Freshwater, Isle of Wight, are bracing themselves to avoid taking razor blades to their wrists during the two-second gap between local bell-end Colin Wilkinson telling them he has lived in the town for the whole 55 years of his humdrum existence to date and some teeth-grindingly stupid comment that he thinks should go unchallenged on that basis. [read...]
While the rest of the UK is forced into deciding which Etonian to be lied to by, residents of Queen Victoria’s ‘favourite place to die’ are somewhat out of-the-loop. Unaware of their EU membership, many islanders were still under the impression that we were fighting Napoleon, [read...]
Shanklin police have arrested two men after a pop-up sex shop they were erecting in Regent Street exploded, resulting in the death of one onlooker. Three other people were injured as the newly erected structure shot its contents into the air and on onto the pavement in front of a crowd of curious bystanders. [read...]
Residents of Freshwater, Isle of Wight, have reportedly awoken to a shocking sight after popular recreational facility MacArthur’s Park had melted in the dark. Named after its benefactor, Roderick Carlyle MacArthur (1842-1910), a Victorian industrialist who invented the setting agent that stopped dyes from running on postage stamps, [read...]
A petshop in Ryde, Isle of Wight was plunged into crisis after a cockapoo poo-poo landed on a cockatoo. ‘Usually it’s the other way round,’ laughed Pets r Us owner Mick Smythe, ‘…as our resident cockatoo is allowed to fly round the shop and does try and dive bomb any mammals he sees.’ [read...]
