NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Israel’

Shortest ever middle-east ceasefire proposed

After countless ceasefires have been broken, UN peacebrokers are proposing a 30 second ceasefire, timed for 4am on a Tuesday, in the hope that this time all participants might be able to actually resist firing for the entire duration of the ceasefire, and it won’t be necessary to sigh and report about another ceasefire ‘broken’.

Read more >

Posted: Jul 18th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Gaza ceasefire made possible by shared love of Quorn

the basis for a two-course solutionMiddle-east negotiators have told journalists how they hope to broker a ceasefire agreement by reminding both sides that they share a love of Quorn meat-free products.

‘We were desperately trying to come up with some common ground over breakfast yesterday morning,’ explained UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. ‘Just as I was popping a piece of succulent pork sausage into my mouth I suddenly thought, neither the Israelis nor the Palestinians would be able to do that. Then it hit me – they both probably love Quorn sausages instead! They’ve got no pork in them, they’re perfect for both religions.’

Read more >

Posted: Jul 17th, 2014
More from World News



Israel to make audacious bid for Putin

The state of Israel is thought to be planning a transfer bid for Russia’s Vladimir Putin when the summer transfer window opens, claim reliable sources.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 3rd, 2014
More from News In Brief



Israel to build settlements ‘up William Hague’s nose’

And was Jerusalem, buildeth thar....The Israeli government has announced its intention to build 1000 new dwellings up William Hague’s nose. Foreign Secretary William Hague says he is ‘monitoring the situation’ but told the Commons ‘further action could upset the balance in the Middle East at a difficult time, and despite personal discomfort, and the alleged illegality of the building, we think the best option is to maintain calm and keep a watchful eye on developments in my nose.’

Read more >

Posted: Aug 14th, 2013
More from World News



New Iranian president promises to reform Scrabble app

The newly-elected reformist Iranian president, Hassan Rouhani, has declared that his first act in office will be to reform the widely-derided Scrabble smartphone app.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 21st, 2013
More from News In Brief