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Posts Tagged ‘Jacqui Smith’

Double blow as Jacqui Smith returns from count to find husband watching porn

There was more bad news for former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith in the early hours of this morning when she returned home from losing her Parliamentary seat in Redditch to find her husband in front of the TV with his trousers round his ankles.

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Posted: May 7th, 2010
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Jacqui Smith’s husband ‘can keep porn expenses but must repay claim for tissues’, says inquiry

Absence made the wrist grow strongerRichard Timney’s claim for six large boxes of tissues must be repaid after being deemed ‘excessive’, even when accepting that the films in question were ‘absolute belters’.

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Posted: Oct 15th, 2009
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Labour confident as Prime Minister downloads ‘election victory’ app for iPhone

Labour backbenchers have admitted they are feeling ‘reassured’ about Gordon Brown’s leadership after he announced the download of an ‘election victory’ app for his new iPhone.

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Posted: Aug 2nd, 2009
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Crying girl from Britain’s Got Talent to be new Home Secretary

minimal political experience, but worth giving her a chanceHollie Steel who won the nation’s heart singing Edelweiss on Britain’s Got Talent is to be appointed as the new Home Secretary in a desperate bid to stop everybody attacking the government. The plucky ten year old who broke down in tears after losing her way half way through the Sound of Music classic is believed to have minimal political experience, but in the current climate, the Prime Minister has judged that this may be to his government’s advantage.

David Cameron at first seemed unsure how to react to the surprise appointment, eventually praising it by ad-libbing that ‘this little girl has got nerves of steel, and, erm, her name is Hollie Steel.’ Another MP said that they hoped the appointment of a ten year old might go some way to ending late night sittings in the House of Commons as the new Home Secretary was normally in bed by eight.

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2009
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DNA database ‘to exclude bats’

The Government has agreed to remove thousands of samples of DNA from the national database belonging to bats, frogs, geckos and field mice, over the next 3-5 years.

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Posted: May 8th, 2009
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