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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’
Excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs have made life unbearable. [read...]
Tagged James Bond
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007’s car rendered useless by spilt milk
In a pivotal scene, during the twenty-forth ‘James Bond’ film, movie-goers will be treated to a high octane action sequence involving sour smelling diary product. Britain’s most inebriated spy, after Guy Burges, is seen spilling a small cartoon of full-cream milk on his car upholstery, [read...]
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Boy’s sexual awakening embarrassingly coincides with family’s Bond movie viewing
Tim Vallely, a 12-year-old boy from Wiltshire, became aware of the power of the intrinsic primal attraction of the opposite sex for the first time this weekend, when sitting on the living room floor while surrounded by three generations of his family watching a Sunday evening James Bond movie. [read...]
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Threat of more film titles is a ‘clear and present danger’
The Prime Minister today signalled that official statements will have a cinematic wording to heighten fear, avoid nuance and ‘sell popcorn’. Referring to drone-strike victim Reyaad Khan, a spokesman for David Cameron insisted that there were: ‘8 million ways to die not least of which was a bullet to the head…’ [read...]
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Prescott turns down James Bond as ‘too misogynisticatal’
John Prescott has declined the role of James Bond because he felt the role was ‘a bit sexist’ and ‘lacked the scholasticated gravitas’ he would naturally bring to any performance, despite the inevitability of any public ballot for the role means that fans will overwhelmingly vote for him, [read...]