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Posts Tagged ‘January’

Millions die of boredom as ‘binge abstinence’ takes NHS to breaking point

Doctors’ leaders have called on the government to take urgent action against a new social phenomenon which has caused the sudden deaths of men the length and breadth of the UK.

Affecting mainly self-loathing, middle-class fortysomethings whose boozy excesses during the festive season have led them to taking a ‘dry’ January, so-called ‘binge abstinence’ has side-effects which often prove fatal.

Dr. Kate Thompson from Guys Hospital Accident and Emergency Unit says, ‘Since about the 3rd of January, we’ve been under huge pressure every night. We’re dealing with wave after wave of men who are simply unaccustomed to dealing with the grinding monotony of their two free hours an evening sober.’

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2014
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Hilarious man makes ‘only 50 weeks until Christmas’ joke

‘I was just standing by the water cooler, telling everyone about how hilarious the Christmas special of Mrs Brown’s Boys was, and it just came to me,’ explained Hamilton. ‘What if I said it’s only 50 weeks until Christmas!’

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Posted: Jan 5th, 2014
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