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Posts Tagged ‘Jeremy Hunt’

Jeremy Hunt trials new hi-tech ‘contactless’ NHS

Fed up with having to deal with inefficient and often sick NHS workers, the UK Health Secretary has introduced a trial of ‘contactless healthcare’, which does away entirely with the need for any physical presence. Just like an oyster card, your new NHS care card can be topped up with platitudes and sound bites ready to be deployed at any time you feel a touch of one-day flu coming on.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
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‘The Sniffles’ to be eradicated by 2035, Hunt vows

The government is promising positive action against The Sniffles, a condition said by the WHO to be endemic in the UK, and now aims to eradicate it by 2035. ‘For too long, people have had to put up with sounding like Nina Simone for up to three days,” said Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2014
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Cancer still fatal despite NHS Facebook page

‘Fatal diseases are still by-passing our leafleting campaigns,’ admitted Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. ‘The NHS leads the world in leafleting and our use of Facebook as a distribution medium is world-class, so the latest figures are particularly disappointing.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
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Lonely people on ‘red alert’ as Jeremy Hunt threatens to spend time with them

‘I’ll be a little like Father Christmas. Emptying my burgeoning sack of ‘good company’ into your smiling face’, declared the Secretary of State for Health.

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2013
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Free schools’ unqualified staff idea extended to ‘Free Hospitals’

Policy HuntUnder new plans unveiled by the government, citizens are now being allowed to set up their own GP surgeries and hospitals without having to worry about the levels of bureaucracy which currently force them to use qualified staff.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2013
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