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Posts Tagged ‘Jeremy Hunt’

NHS to buy all drugs ‘from a guy called Phil’

With the NHS now shown to be paying too much for medication, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) has centralised its purchasing by awarding a contract to a man known as ‘Phil’, who impressed a member of the purchasing team with a promise to deliver ‘top notch stuff’ at ‘well below the going rate’ during a chance encounter in a London nightclub.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2015
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Health Minister abolishes ‘NICE’; launches ‘NASTY’

Asked what this stood for, the Health Minister looked puzzled and said ‘It doesn’t stand for anything, that’s just its name.’

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2015
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‘Here comes the big aeroplane’ parents given all-clear to resume feeding

still concerns that Mr Choo-Choo could be affected by leavesYoung mothers across Southern England breathed a collective sigh of relief after Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt announced that so-called ‘Here comes the big aeroplane’ spoon-feeding techniques could safely resume.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2014
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NHS to become online-only

Health Minister Jeremy Hunt has calculated that the NHS could save billions if it operated as a computer model, like the Matrix, instead of as a real-world service trying to treat sick people in 3D.

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Posted: Oct 18th, 2014
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Teachers say MPs should commit to their profession by taking a ‘Hypocritic Oath’

Teachers around the country have voted in favour of getting MPs to take a ‘hypocritic oath’ in the hope that it would make them ‘try harder in future’ to keep standards of hypocrisy at a level in line with public expectations.

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2014
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