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Posts Tagged ‘Jesus’

Authorities remove blond haired child from Nazareth couple

Holy Land constabulary have confirmed that they have taken an ‘aryan boy’ into protective custody, after concerns that he was not living with his ‘biological’ parent.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2013
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New Archbishop to be chosen via TV variety show, Bishops Got Talent

will be asked to belch 'Archbishop of Canterbury' without pausing in the finale‘It’s high time people got to choose their Archbishop according to who can perform the best song and dance routine,’ said executive producer Simon Cowell. ‘I’m no theologian but I’m pretty sure it’s what Jesus would have wanted.’

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Posted: Mar 19th, 2012
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Shepherds complain after missing out in Bethlehem Secret Santa draw yet again

'Glad tidings my arse!'‘All we are asking for is a fair draw for the presents,’ continued the shepherd. ‘It’s the same story every year. We wrap up a lamb, struggle down the green hillside to visit the baby and stick our secret Santa present under the manger. But invariably we end up leaving with nothing other than some cow crap on our Jesus sandals.’

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Posted: Dec 25th, 2011
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God denies prayer-response targets have been missed

‘Almighty’ God has admitted to being ‘a bit behind’ with his workload, but denies that the stringent turnaround targets He was originally committed to have been missed.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2010
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Smug git in trouble for spoiling parable

Harry Vole, wearing a t-shirt reading ‘Sin? Me? Never!’ has apparently been turning up to public stonings , waiting until Mr Christ starts his ‘let him who is without sin..’ bit, and then flipping a flat stone pebble at the accused before sauntering off whistling.

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Posted: Jul 28th, 2010
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