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Posts Tagged ‘jimmy savile’

Theresa May announces delay to the ’1980s Paedophile cover-up’

Theresa May announced today that the cover-up into 1980s child abuse will be delayed due to the amount of evidence that needs to be destroyed before the inquiry can begin.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Celebrities ‘too scared to die’ in wake of Savile scandal

the show must go onFollowing the controversy, many famous people are avoiding death like the plague.

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2014
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Daily Mail fears celebrity paedophile shortage

Editorial staff at the Daily Mail are in crisis talks after realising that most of the lovable celebrity paedophiles have been unmasked.

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Posted: Aug 25th, 2014
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Celebrities to be fitted with cat bells ‘to give kids a chance’

Under new Home Office guidelines, all celebrities are to be surgically fitted with cat bells so that children can hear them approaching.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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‘Nice criminals’ will be forced to wear Hallowe’en masks

the world's just not terrifying enough yetFollowing the conviction of Rolf Harris for a string of sexual assaults, the Secretary of State for Justice, Chris Grayling, is set to announce sweeping reforms to festive Hallowe’en costumes to aid the public in their identification and eventual demonisation of suspected criminals. The Metropolitan Police admitted, that having exhausted its supply of freaky-looking paedophiles to prosecute, Operation Yewtree will now have to include celebrities people actually like.

Previously the government had implemented a system whereby serial killers agreed to grow beards, molesters were given bad haircuts and tax avoiders were required to dress like George Osborne. Unfortunately, the agreed classification has become undermined by the rise of ‘paedo chic’, which has seen the likes of Russell Brand making ironic use of Ted Bundy’s mojo and Lady Gaga looking like a transgender Jimmy Savile.

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Posted: Jul 1st, 2014
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