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Posts Tagged ‘jimmy savile’

Des Lynam ‘the only man left you can trust’, confirm Yewtree investigators

shouldn't you be at work?Officers investigating allegations of sexual abuse by notable figures from the 60s and 70s have concluded today that, the only man currently alive that’s ‘completely trustworthy’, is veteran TV and radio presenter, Des Lynam.

‘We investigated Des thoroughly, and amazingly, we found zilch’, said one anonymous Yewtree investigator today. ‘We rummaged through his bins, hacked into his computer and interrogated him in a hot room for six days straight, but the guy’s clean. We didn’t even find any evidence of any suspiciously long hugs. We’re now able to confirm that Des Lynam is currently the only celebrity over sixty still at liberty to appear on TV not wearing a pair of handcuffs with a jacket pulled over his head’.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2014
More from UK News



BBC asks Google to ‘forget the 1970s’

Bosses at the BBC have instructed the tech team at Google to ‘completely forget everything that happened in the 1970s’, after the Internet search giant launched a service to allow Europeans to ask for information and personal data to be removed from online search results.

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Posted: May 31st, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



‘Last Man Standing’ award for Tony Blackburn

After months of questioning, investigation and developed vetting, Tony Blackburn has received the Radio Academy Award for being the last DJ from the seventies still at liberty to work.

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Posted: May 13th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Google Glasses ‘would have detected Savile’

celebrity encounters can be videoed and instantly uploaded to YouTubeThe company has declared that their innovative, interactive ‘Glass’ spectacles are so brilliant they could have helped police in identifying celebratory perverts.

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Posted: May 10th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Hallmark launch new card range for contrite sex pests

Greetings card manufacturer Hallmark has launched a new range of cards aimed at the remorseful sex offender. The new cards, which Hallmark are calling ‘the post-Savile range’, have been introduced in response to the recent spike in the number of court cases and allegations of sexual misconduct among celebrities.

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Posted: May 6th, 2014
More from News In Brief