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Posts Tagged ‘jimmy savile’

Des Lynam ‘the only man left you can trust’, confirm Yewtree investigators

shouldn't you be at work?Officers investigating allegations of sexual abuse by notable figures from the 60s and 70s have concluded today that, the only man currently alive that’s ‘completely trustworthy’, is veteran TV and radio presenter, Des Lynam.

‘We investigated Des thoroughly, and amazingly, we found zilch’, said one anonymous Yewtree investigator today. ‘We rummaged through his bins, hacked into his computer and interrogated him in a hot room for six days straight, but the guy’s clean. We didn’t even find any evidence of any suspiciously long hugs. We’re now able to confirm that Des Lynam is currently the only celebrity over sixty still at liberty to appear on TV not wearing a pair of handcuffs with a jacket pulled over his head’.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2014
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‘Last Man Standing’ award for Tony Blackburn

After months of questioning, investigation and developed vetting, Tony Blackburn has received the Radio Academy Award for being the last DJ from the seventies still at liberty to work.

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Posted: May 13th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Hallmark launch new card range for contrite sex pests

Greetings card manufacturer Hallmark has launched a new range of cards aimed at the remorseful sex offender. The new cards, which Hallmark are calling ‘the post-Savile range’, have been introduced in response to the recent spike in the number of court cases and allegations of sexual misconduct among celebrities.

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Posted: May 6th, 2014
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Mastermind chair arrested in Operation Yewtree swoop

pervertThe famous black chair from quiz show, Mastermind, has been arrested on suspicion of hundreds of counts of indecent assault between 1972 and 2013.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment



Maddie cops ‘nothing to do with guns, whips, hacking or dead newspaper vendors’

Detectives working on the newly launched Madeleine McCann investigation have been selected because they are ‘are nothing like’ other police in the news at the moment, Gerald Smith of the Police Federation told a news conference.

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Posted: Oct 17th, 2013
More from News In Brief