Debenhams bosses were ‘delighted’ after it was announced that their store had won the contract to provide all the UK’s police forces with the blankets used to cover suspects’ heads as they enter and leave court buildings.
Posted: Apr 7th, 2011
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The 22-year union between Lionel and Marjorie Alwyn was reportedly under threat last night, as it emerged that Mr Alwyn had declined their traditional festive sexual congress and asked ‘for the money instead’.
‘Well what was I supposed to say?’ said an outraged Mrs Alwyn, who had been led to believe that her festive fur-trimmed stockings and saucy Santa hat had been hitting the spot since the Berlin Wall came down. ‘And it wasn’t just that he was turning down a few hours of nookie with me in favour of some money in an envelope. It was that he only gave it a transferable value of twenty-five quid.’
Posted: Dec 15th, 2009
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