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Posts Tagged ‘justice’

Police commissioner apologises to court and pays locksmith’s costs after he locked up offender and threw away key

hanging's too good for him‘I realise now that I was acting like an idiotic one man kangaroo court, and would like to apologise to the bench,’ said Commissioner John Jenkins, after he admitted to locking up Vince Hilaire, for a minor offence, and throwing away the key.

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Posted: Sep 20th, 2015
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Government confirms that ‘Gove’ is not to be used as a verb

A memorandum sent to all government departments has cautioned against use of the word ‘Gove’ as a verb, such as in the phrase ‘to Gove the department’, ‘the education system’s completely Goved up’ and ‘what the Gove is he doing with freedom of information’.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2015
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Olympic Games to include shooting fish in a barrel after Pistorius verdict

so there you goAfter the landmark ruling by Judge Thokozile Masipa that the killing of Reeva Steenkamp cannot be declared ‘murder’, the International Olympic Committee is considering proposals to introduce new sports to the next Games. High on the list are ‘hitting a barn door with a banjo’, and ‘shooting fish in a barrel’.

The latter proposal has attracted lucrative sponsorship deals from the NRA, with outline competition criteria already in place. A single dead fish among 500 packed into a 3-foot diameter barrel has been set as the ‘entry-level’ qualification for athletes. Competitors will be allowed at least 4 shots per round, and should be standing really close to the barrel, which must be locked to prevent the fish escaping.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2014
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Use a big plank with a nail in it, advises Ken Clarke on self-defence law

you might as well kill them, kill them all!‘Every man’s home is his castle, and if he wants arrow slits then that has to be a huge improvement over all that ghastly stone-cladding and satellite dishes.’

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2014
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Lawyers, judges in secret courts to wear ‘sinister’ wigs

Images of a new range of ‘surreal’ judicial wigs, whose purpose is to ‘terrify and intimidate’ suspects appearing before secret courts, has been leaked to the press.

The Home Office would neither confirm nor deny the wigs’ existence, but sources inside the Ministry of Justice said the wigs were aimed at creating a ‘sinister, nightmarish and deeply unfashionable’ atmosphere inside the hush-hush courts.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2013
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