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Posts Tagged ‘justin welby’

Church of England demand God’s right to prolong suffering

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has spoken out on behalf of the increasingly impotent God, on a difficult issue that has arisen from His regretful decision to give mankind free will, rather than just His own perfect will.

Fortunately for God, the Archbishop Welby has the kind of power and influence over the affairs of man that He could only dream of, as well as having a very fancy outfit with lots of gold bits, a massive hat and a crooked stick which shows just what a terrifically wise man he really is.

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Posted: Sep 13th, 2015
More from Faith

Archbishop ‘embarrassed’ to find Satan is former employee of God

‘Payroll records show that a Mr Lucifer Satan was formerly employed as an angel for Heaven Plc,’ admitted a spokesman for the Archbishop of Canterbury.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2013
More from News In Brief offers to ‘save souls’

lie now, pray laterPayday loan company Wonga has hastily announced plans to diversify and offer unsecured ‘high-cost salvation’ in response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s recent decision to offer Church of England payday loans.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2013
More from Business

Justin Welby hesitant over gay weddings but wants more gay funerals

The move is likely to be popular with African clergy who already see it as part of their ministry to help homosexuals towards an early grave.

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Posted: Nov 14th, 2012
More from News In Brief

Archbishop of Canterbury to deputise as BBC DG

determined to bring unruly flock under controlExcited by the challenge of turning around the fortunes of another national institution floundering in it’s own dithering and regarded as ignorant of the changing needs of its congregation, the newly appointed Archbishop of Canterbury has agreed to take on a second job deputising as Director General of the BBC.

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2012
More from Arts/Entertainment