John McDonnell has confirmed Labour will bring monasteries back into public ownership if they win the next election. Thousands of monks were thrown on the unemployment scrapheap during the 1530s when Henry VIII seized their lands and buildings and sold them on the cheap to his aristocratic friends. [read...]
Through a diet of Peter Mandelson and regular exercise – running from his socialist principles – Labour’s deputy leader has revealed he is clear of all leftist tendencies. A slim-line Mr. Watson told reporters never again would he succumb to starchy trade unions or refined nationalization [read...]
After months of negotiation between the onion and non-onion factions, the Labour Party has finally adopted an official policy on gefilte fish. Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell told an eight-hour special conference: ‘At a time when we have major threats from Brexit, [read...]
A spokeswoman for Dame Sweary McSwearface challenged claims that she had used unparliamentary language with a work colleague, as ‘utter bollocks’. Leaping to her defence MP Ian Austin allegedly screamed, from the backbenches: ‘How dare the Labour Party question the integrity of Margaret Hodge, [read...]
A London man briefly toyed with the idea of making an idle observation about the furore currently enveloping the Labour Party about anti-Semitism, it has emerged. [read...]
