Labour MP Emily Thornberry has shut herself down and gone into standby mode after a sudden loss of power. Labour Party Central say that they lost contact with Thornberry on Friday shortly after travelling to Rochester and believe the shut-down may be a result of having spent too long in the shadow cabinet after a long political journey.
Posted: Nov 22nd, 2014
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‘Send ‘em back where they belong, is what I say, subject to the Human Rights Act and existing EU Legislation and the employment needs of a newly recovering economy.’
Posted: Nov 21st, 2014
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‘We’ve been trying to get through to Ed for some time,’ said a member of the shadow cabinet, ‘but we’re not sure messages are getting through. They seem to take about 28 minutes to reach him and apparently about the same to return, but that’s supposition, nobody’s waited that long so far.’
Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
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Much to the surprise and delight of the Labour faithful, their leader announced sweeping gains in the US Senate today. Despite being separated by a political ideology and 3000 miles of Atlantic Ocean, Ed Miliband was able to take the credit for the Republican Party’s recent success and for becoming the first British female solo artist to have five number one singles in the UK.
Posted: Nov 12th, 2014
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Fiona Woolf has denied using a special feathery hat to divert people’s attention from Home Office and Conservative Party embarrassment. Mrs Woolf stepped down from the chairmanship of the government cover up of child sex abuse after it was argued she ‘wasn’t an appropriate person’ to lead the whitewash.
But Mrs Woolf still maintains she had all the right credentials for leading a complex cover up into a sexual scandal that may have reached into the higher echelons of government, as well as having excellent contacts inside and outside Westminster, and a hat made of black ostrich feathers.
Posted: Nov 3rd, 2014
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