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Posts Tagged ‘Labour’

Fine weather my doing, say all party leaders

turn out's nice againAs days of unusually warm and sunny weather followed on from the first party leaders’ debate, the leaders themselves have been arguing about who deserves the most credit for it.

‘I arranged for the fair weather to start today,’ said David Cameron. ‘I pledge that the next Conservative government will continue to improve the weather in real terms over the next five years.’ He looked annoyed when George Osborne suggested that he had, in fact, created the ‘right climate’ for the good weather.

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2015
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The economy is stupid, agree political leaders

all in it togetherLeaders from seven political parties last night agreed that the UK economy was stupid, but that it wasn’t its fault.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2015
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Party manifestos to be displayed in plain packets with government health warning

best to keep them away from childrenPoliticians will no longer be able to publicly advertise their manifestos and shops will be expected to keep them hidden away from view under the counter.

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Posted: Mar 9th, 2015
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Chimp facing prospect of losing safest Labour seat in Scotland

set to be replaced by SNP marmosetChico the Chimp, a chimpanzee who has represented the constituency of Fife South as a Labour MP since 1997 could be set to lose the party’s safest Scottish seat, according to the latest opinion polls which suggest that his majority of over 23,000 at the 2010 General Election is set to be overturned by the SNP in the May 7th general election.

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Posted: Mar 8th, 2015
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‘Why must I do everything?’ cries husband during childbirth

didn't even get a shag later31 year-old Patrick Clark became infuriated today by the extreme selfishness of his wife, Hannah, during the birth of their first child. He claimed that she was ‘totally self-absorbed’ and ‘unwilling to cooperate rationally’ throughout most of the high-intensity contractions.

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2015
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