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Posts Tagged ‘lager’

Millions die of boredom as ‘binge abstinence’ takes NHS to breaking point

Doctors’ leaders have called on the government to take urgent action against a new social phenomenon which has caused the sudden deaths of men the length and breadth of the UK.

Affecting mainly self-loathing, middle-class fortysomethings whose boozy excesses during the festive season have led them to taking a ‘dry’ January, so-called ‘binge abstinence’ has side-effects which often prove fatal.

Dr. Kate Thompson from Guys Hospital Accident and Emergency Unit says, ‘Since about the 3rd of January, we’ve been under huge pressure every night. We’re dealing with wave after wave of men who are simply unaccustomed to dealing with the grinding monotony of their two free hours an evening sober.’

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2014
More from Health



Mankind growth may be just the tip of evolutionary iceberg

A scientific study has shown that the average European man gained 110mm (4.4′) in height between 1870 and 1980, mainly due to general improvements in health, hygiene and nutrition.

Additional studies indicate that he is also beginning to become less brainy, less hairy and may start growing scales and laying eggs.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2013
More from News In Brief



JD Wetherspoon wins local authority school dinner contract

Education chiefs in the North East have awarded pub chain JD Wetherspoon a contract to provide up to twenty thousand children their daily school dinners, in a move that has angered child health campaigners. The news comes hot on the heels of new contracts for the provision of mini-bars in all British Airways cockpits and the highly controversial reefer lounges in Church of England naves.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2013
More from News In Brief



‘Lager Tourettes’ formally recognised by British Medical Council

The temporary affliction suffered by lager drinkers across the country which causes their language to deteriorate rapidly during a pub session has been officially designated as a medical condition to be known as ‘Lager Tourettes’.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2013
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Stand-off between father, leftover turkey enters 7th day

Despite several days of intense negotiation and return visits to the fridge, the bird remains in situ and only marginally smaller.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2011
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