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Posts Tagged ‘Large Hadron Collider’

UK Borders Agency accused of stuffing Channel Tunnel with impatient visa applicants

The UK Border Agency (UKBA) has today admitted that it has been using the Channel Tunnel as a storage facility for immigrants, after complaints from Eurostar.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2013
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CERN Scientists confirm ‘Christmas Collider Fun Day’ rumours

Scientist at the CERN Laboratory were forced to admit yesterday that the Christmas Collider Fun Day, giving lab workers a ‘bonus massive sub-atomic collision between any two things they bring into work’, had unintentionally impacted on the real world.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2012
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Scientists hail first sighting of elusive bankers’ morals

physicists allowing themselves an extra scotch egg for lunch, as a bonus‘We knew one banker, somewhere, must have had a pang of guilt at least once,’ declared an exhausted and delighted spokesman.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
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Fears that Prayer Super Collider may usher in Apocalypse

The prayers are to be fired in opposite directions at enormous speeds through the 12 kilometre Prayer Super Collider ring buried deep below Salt Lake City, Utah, in the most ambitious theological experiment since the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury met head-on in the Large Hadron Collider.

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2012
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Faster-than-light Nissan Micra ‘may have been down to timing fault’

they've got some canny ideas aboot Einsteinian Relativistic fizix‘We were a bit surprised to find we’d topped six hundred million miles an hour, especially as the speedo only goes up to one hundred and twenty, but we put it down to the new go-faster stripes I’d got fitted that morning.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2012
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