‘We realised we could place politicians from rival factions in the collider and watch them fly around until they smash into each other. We’re bound to find out something scientific,’ [read...]
Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHCb) have announced the discovery of one the smallest forms of matter, that of Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras’ savings account. Having already transformed into a financial ‘black hole’, [read...]
Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
Up to 500 customers at a time will be contained in special magnetised particle pods, accelerated up to 25,000 miles per hour in a gigantic circular tunnel, then smashed into each other head on to see what happens [read...]
Thousands of excited scientists and members of the general public have flocked to CERN to see former Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole switch on the new supercharged Large Hadron Collider. [read...]
