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Posts Tagged ‘Large Hadron Collider’

Greek credit rating identified as new pentaquark particle

Tsipras particle only discovered last yearScientists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHCb) have announced the discovery of one the smallest forms of matter, that of Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras’ savings account. Having already transformed into a financial ‘black hole’, the Greek economy is now comparable in size to George Osborne’s conscience, Donald Trump’s Presidential chance or how much anyone cares about the new series of ‘True Detective’.

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Posted: Jul 14th, 2015
More from Science/Technology



Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage

looks like a giant arsehole, and so does the LHCNigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ for the general election.

‘Frankly we just don’t have the infrastructure to assimilate all these new particles’, Farage raged, taking an earnest boggle-eyed bantam stance. ‘It has been openly admitted that we don’t really know where all these ‘exotic particles’ originate and we know far less about their skills and employment records. How do we know that the minute these particles are created, they won’t go straight on benefits?’

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2015
More from Science/Technology



CERN joins Alton Towers to create ‘Collider’ ride

Up to 500 customers at a time will be contained in special magnetised particle pods, accelerated up to 25,000 miles per hour in a gigantic circular tunnel, then smashed into each other head on to see what happens

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2015
More from News In Brief



Crowds flock to see Cheryl Cole switch on Large Hadron Collider

Thousands of excited scientists and members of the general public have flocked to CERN to see former Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole switch on the new supercharged Large Hadron Collider.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2015
More from News In Brief



NASA space probe finds evidence of ‘more bloody stars’

even the spacecraft's had enoughNASA today announced an end to all space exploration after the latest set of photographs taken by its Voyager 1 spacecraft, currently exploring the Kuiper Belt on the very edge of the solar system, showed nothing but a bunch of stars that look virtually indistinguishable from those viewed from Earth.

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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2014
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