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Posts Tagged ‘Large Hadron Collider’

Scientists capture first glimpse of elusive Clegg boson

if confirmed, discovery could explain how unemployment got its massScientists believe they may have recorded their first sighting of the elusive sub-political particle, the Clegg boson, otherwise known as The Sod Particle.

The Clegg’s existence has been postulated for some time as a means to resolving strange inconsistencies in the Standard Political Model, while remaining barely detectable itself.

‘The Clegg is very tiny and only capable of weak interactions,’ explained Professor Jim Al-Khalili, ‘However, despite exerting only a very small force, it appears to play a key role in providing the mass for some of the larger political elements.’

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2011
More from Politics



Large Hadron Collider finds car keys

also found the lyrics to 'things can only get better' although they were put straight in the binIt cost some £6.2 billion to build, but the Large Hadron Collider may have justified that enormous price tag after it finally located Professor Brian Cox’s lost car keys. The keys were lost by Cox in the 1990s while an undergraduate at the University of Manchester and his 1987 Nissan Micra has remained in an NCP car park ever since.

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Posted: Dec 12th, 2011
More from Science/Technology



Desperate scientists resort to putting up hundreds of ‘missing particle’ posters

Scientists desperate to be reunited with a missing particle have resorted to leaving posters on every lamp-post in their local area. The particle, thought to answer to the name Higgs Boson, has been missing for some time now and there are fears it may never be found.

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Scientists discover ‘anti-policy’ particles by smashing Milibands together

“It was a mistake while they were here on a team-building exercise. As it turns out, they were already on a collision course, we just had to speed them up a little.”

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Ministers to consider raising the speed of light

‘Increasing the speed limit would reduce the journey time from the sun to the earth from its current sluggish 8 minutes and 19 seconds, bringing enormous economic benefits by increasing the amount of sunlight we receive and potentially lengthening the day.’

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
More from Politics