NewsBiscuit

In a surprise twist to the search to discover the origins of he universe Pope Benedict and the Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams are to be fired at one another at the speed of light in the Large Hadron Collider at Cern.

James Gillies, Cern’s Director of Communications, told reporters that the two church leaders were almost ready to travel to the French-Swiss border. ‘They have been praying together and wishing each other a safe journey before they meet again head-on in the middle of the 27km-long circular tunnel.’

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Posted: Nov 23rd, 2009
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Youths drove the Collider around in a 27km circle of chaos, pulling handbrake turns and firing off protons at close to the speed of light.

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2009
More from News In Brief

‘interns ruined the equipment leaving debris of horse chestnuts scattered everywhere’

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2009
More from From The Archives

A group of Christian research scientists in Massachusetts announced this week that they had managed for the first time to split God into his component parts. God is believed to have existed in the conditions immediately prior to the Big Bang.

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2009
More from News In Brief

Owners of the Large Hadron Collider are being persuaded to purchase the new version, with many of them admitting that the first one never really worked properly. ‘One or two of our customers did have a few little problems with the first version,’ admitted Darren Turnkey, sales manager for Hadron Collider Solutions, ‘but in general the response has been very positive.’

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2009
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