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Posts Tagged ‘LHC’

Christian Scientists split god

A group of Christian research scientists in Massachusetts announced this week that they had managed for the first time to split God into his component parts. God is believed to have existed in the conditions immediately prior to the Big Bang.

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2009
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Salesman promises Hadron Collider 2.0 really will be plug and play

Owners of the Large Hadron Collider are being persuaded to purchase the new version, with many of them admitting that the first one never really worked properly. ‘One or two of our customers did have a few little problems with the first version,’ admitted Darren Turnkey, sales manager for Hadron Collider Solutions, ‘but in general the response has been very positive.’

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2009
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Junior scientists sacked for using Large Hadron Collider to play conkers

‘interns ruined the equipment leaving debris of horse chestnuts scattered everywhere’

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2008
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Large Hadron Collider ‘may destroy universe’, say stupid people

particle accelerator may ‘create or big black hole that will suck us all in or mess up our DNA or something’.

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Posted: Jul 14th, 2008
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Gravity switched off due to ‘essential maintenance work’

‘Working towards a greater gravity, for all our futures’

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2007
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