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Posts Tagged ‘Liberal Democrats’

Nick Clegg to use everyone’s paternity leave next year

another great idea!Anticipating he will have a lot of ‘free time on his hands’ after the next election, the Deputy Prime Minister has volunteered to provide round-the-clock support to all new parents. The Liberal Democrat’s’ manifesto will pledge that Mr. Clegg will stay with couples for up to six weeks after the birth of their child; providing nappy changing, reassuring hugs and amusing anecdotes about proportionate representation if ‘…baby refuses to go to sleep’.

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2014
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Cable only got into politics because of mid-life crisis

‘There I was, chief economist at Shell, good salary,’ said Cable, ‘but the second I hit the big 4-0 I knew it wasn’t enough. I needed some excitement in my life. Only becoming a Liberal Democrat MP could slake that thirst.’

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
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Last known Lib Dem dies in captivity

Zoo keepers, veterinarians and ‘sandal-wearing libertarians’ were left mourning the loss of the world’s last remaining ‘Greater-spectacled Oakeshott’. The ‘Oakeshott’ had been cared for in the House of Lords’ wildlife refuge since May 2000, but had failed to find a left-wing breeding partner among the elderly peers.

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Posted: May 29th, 2014
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‘I hate all foreigners and will go for a pint with everyone’, shouts Clegg

In a remarkable shift in opinion, Deputy PM Nick Clegg has renounced his stance against the UK leaving Europe, declaring openly that he ‘dislikes all foreigners’, and will happily go for a pint with everyone, ‘providing the ale is British’.

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Posted: May 27th, 2014
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Cameron sparks outrage by posing for photos with ‘dead politician’

Photographs of David Cameron posing with a dead politician have been condemned as ‘heartless’ by family and friends of the deceased today. Some of the photographs clearly show Mr. Cameron laughing at the stricken body while others show him ignoring the lifeless corpse altogether.

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Posted: May 10th, 2014
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