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Posts Tagged ‘Liverpool F.C.’

FIFA rules Luis Suárez must be fed before matches

'om nom nom', as they say in UruguayAfter reviewing footage of Tuesday’s incident in which Luis Suárez appeared to help himself to a chunk of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini, Fifa has instructed the Uruguay striker’s handlers to ensure that he is ‘fed prior to all future matches’.

‘Ninety minutes is a long time to go without a snack, so it’s understandable that Luis began to feel a little peckish’, said FIFA’s head chef, Sepp Blatter. ‘Yet no matter how tasty an Italy defender may appear to a famished striker, we really must insist that he lunches before, rather than during, competitive fixtures.’

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2014
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Unguarded moment confirms Gerrard now officially ‘Creature of the Night’

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2014
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Moyes urged to sign Schadenfreude

With Manchester United making an unprecedentely poor start to the season, beleagured new manager David Moyes has vowed to expand the squad during the January transfer window. And the player that fans are talking about – particularly the fans of other clubs – is German international, Helmut Schadenfreude.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2013
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Suarez rejects Liverpool Care Pathway

The Liverpool Care Pathway, developed to support footballers near to advertising death, is meant to offer a peaceful and dignified transfer.

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2013
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Football widow refuses to wear black armband

A Liverpool football widow has caused outrage by refusing to wear a black armband in her husband’s match day absences.

Despite demands from Liverpool FC manager Brendan Rodgers and senior club officials, Mrs Doris Whittaker 69, has steadfastly refused to comply with requests to show respect for other football widows throughout the UK. Mrs Whittaker was given the armband during a Saturday afternoon shopping trip to Tesco where other football widows sported the armbands with pride.

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Posted: Nov 8th, 2012
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