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Posts Tagged ‘Lloyds TSB’

Notorious criminal boss elects ‘not to accept bonus this year’

lying low until bribery comes back into fashionThe overlord of an organised criminal gang yesterday announced that due to poor corporate performance and discovery of some questionable business practices, he will be foregoing his annual bonus this year.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2012
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Britain’s banks downgraded to ‘bastards’

'A loan!?! You want a loan?!?'Britain’s banks are under fire once again, after rating agency Moody’s downgraded them to ‘a shower of bastards’. While investors at HSBC are still regarded by many observers as ‘pondlife’, several other major financial institutions fear they could lose their cherished status of ‘immoral grabbing shitbags’.

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2012
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Lloyds TSB to sell 85% of Julie Walters to the treasury

Much-loved actress and comedian Julie Walters, for eight years the voice of Lloyds TSB, is to become, literally, a national treasure. Almost. The ailing bank has been forced to sell an 85% in the Smethwick-born artiste to HM Government, making her the first actress to undergo near-total nationalisation. She is currently valued at £9.73 million.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2011
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