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Posts Tagged ‘London Olympics’

Workplaces to get screaming supporters

Early trials are showing positive results with productivity at one sandwich factory up 20% when 5,000 spectators were sent in to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ – increasing the possibility that the scheme could be rolled out across the country.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2012
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Government ‘all set’ for fortnight of buried bad news

‘We tested the water by announcing a drop in GDP whilst everyone was talking about the start of the Olympics football tournament’, a source close to the cabinet announced during the opening ceremony.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2012
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Unemployed lorry driver, 54, launches Olympic selection bid

With a whopping six hours until the opening ceremony of London 2012, Dave Collins, a 54 year-old unemployed lorry driver, said he was ‘humbled’ to announce his intention to seek selection for Team GB.

‘The big problem was deciding which events to go for’, wheezed Collins. ‘I thought of the cycling road race but my bike’s stuck right at the back of my shed. There’s no point emptying it all out, adjusting the saddle and finding the pump, only to have Mark Cavendish come flying past in the last 200 metres.’

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2012
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Olympic terror threat level reduced after al-Qaeda outsource terrorism to G4S

There were large sighs of relief today following news that security firm G4S have been put in charge of organising all of al-Qaeda’s terrorist activities for the 2012 Olympics.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2012
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Police arrest man for using unofficial gesture at torch relay

‘Mr Drayton was arrested after being observed making unpatriotic movements with his right hand. He was waving his clenched fist vigorously up and down, in a manner calculated to cause considerable offence to our sponsors.’

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2012
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