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Posts Tagged ‘London Underground’

Strike hit commuters ‘furious’ about long queues to complain to news teams

Some commuters waited as long as four hours to blame unions and or the government for the transport strikes on TV and radio, with many complaining they were finally interviewed for as long as five minutes, with little or none of the footage being used that evening or the next day.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2015
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British Transport Police given ‘stop and spray’ powers of deodorisation

police finally doing something popular‘The onset of summer traditionally heralds a network-wide rise in reports of grievous bodily odour and unprovoked attacks on the nasal passages of innocent passengers’.

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Posted: Mar 27th, 2015
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Northerners to be trained in Tube etiquette

'You're not from round these parts, is thee?'Following a spate of incidents involving Northerners chatting to random strangers, British Transport Police have launched a poster campaign.

‘We had some seriously scary moments last week’, explained an officer. ‘Last Thursday this guy from Leeds told a complete stranger his name, his business, everything. A complete stranger! Even worse, he was called Alan, and people thought he was saying something about ‘Allah’ and legged it down the carriage.’

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2015
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London commuter confesses: “I don’t know why I’m rushing”

Whoosh... Life's gone.After 30 years of hard labour at a top investment bank, city worker, Alan Baxter, has finally admitted that he no longer needs to rush on the London Underground. This painful realisation has come at the cost of 3 divorces and child support payments to 4 daughters who like Prada but refuse to acknowledge his existence.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2015
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Celebrities to balls-up your commute on Poppy Day

Service announcements at Wood Lane will be replaced by Joey Barton reciting the prologue from Friedrich Nietzsche’s ‘Das Verhältnis der Schopenhauer Ischen Philosophie zu einer deutschen Kultur’, before bursting out of the control office and head-butting commuters on to the track.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2014
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