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Posts Tagged ‘London’

Polish Jack the Ripper ‘probably had a free council house too’, claim UKIP

The mystery surrounding Britain’s most notorious serial killer ‘Jack the Ripper’ has finally been solved this week, after ‘conclusive DNA evidence’ revealed him to be Polish immigrant Aaron Kosminski, a hairdresser living in Whitechapel. The startling revelation has caught the attention of the world, including UKIP, who have already claimed that Kosminski was ‘probably a sponger’.

‘This just proves that, even nineteenth-century England would have been a safer place, had UKIP been around’, said party leader Nigel Farage today. ‘Looking at his handy work, I always guessed he was eastern European. He no doubt arrived illegally and was given a massive council house, or whatever the equivalent was back then’.

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Posted: Sep 7th, 2014
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HS2 abandoned in favour of rebuilding Birmingham 10 minutes closer to London

now to overcome the language barrier‘This would shorten journey times between London and Birmingham by the same amount as HS2, but would also have the added benefit of reducing the length of the M40, delivering a significant boost to the road haulage industry.’

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Posted: Jul 14th, 2014
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London Boroughs placed on amber flood alert as more rain forecast

The London Boroughs of Kensington and Chelsea have been issued with an amber flood alert after a puddle was spotted forming on a patch of grass in Kensington Palace Gardens.

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2014
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London’s Tube Crisis – Russell Brand yet to comment

Confusion among Londoners over how they feel about the tube strike continues to grow as Russell Brand still hasn’t released any form of open letter about it.

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Posted: Feb 5th, 2014
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London awarded George Cross for braving storm

Mayor Boris Johnson praised his fellow Londoners as ‘crikey, yipes, a bloody good bunch of blokes and . . . you know, the others . . . salt of the earth, what?’ Whilst nobody really understood what Boris was going on about, it was widely acknowledged that the capital had endured a day as bad as any since the Blitz.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2013
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